Obituaries

George Lynch
D: 2017-12-09
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Lynch, George
Ronald Wiggins
B: 1936-12-30
D: 2017-12-05
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Wiggins, Ronald
Audrey Ruther
B: 1933-06-05
D: 2017-12-04
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Ruther, Audrey
Shirley Push
B: 1930-12-24
D: 2017-12-03
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Push, Shirley
Donald Heldt
B: 1942-05-12
D: 2017-12-02
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Heldt, Donald
Harold Gulbranson
B: 1933-04-23
D: 2017-12-02
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Gulbranson, Harold
Ruth Vaught
B: 1919-09-27
D: 2017-12-02
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Vaught, Ruth
Joyce Tator
B: 1948-05-31
D: 2017-11-28
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Tator, Joyce
Marsha Huff
B: 1961-02-24
D: 2017-11-22
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Huff, Marsha
Carol Bahn
B: 1949-05-11
D: 2017-11-20
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Bahn, Carol
James Barker
B: 1934-03-28
D: 2017-11-19
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Barker, James
Renee Fox
B: 1969-12-11
D: 2017-11-15
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Fox, Renee
Patricia Westergard
B: 1946-08-21
D: 2017-11-13
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Westergard, Patricia
Grace Guthrie
B: 1923-07-15
D: 2017-11-13
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Guthrie, Grace
Jean Carpenter
B: 1948-08-26
D: 2017-11-04
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Carpenter, Jean
Marilyn Roe
B: 1933-08-11
D: 2017-11-02
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Roe, Marilyn
Joseph Brokaw
B: 1989-11-29
D: 2017-10-30
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Brokaw, Joseph
Martin Pojar
B: 1937-05-02
D: 2017-10-29
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Pojar, Martin
Dr. Monte Scott
B: 1932-08-23
D: 2017-10-26
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Scott, Dr. Monte
Gary Markmann
B: 1955-09-06
D: 2017-10-26
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Markmann, Gary
Terry Freeman
B: 1947-11-03
D: 2017-10-25
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Freeman, Terry

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Grieving with Purpose

The Stages of Grief & Bereavement

No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues.

Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.

Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

Along Your Journey

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate posttraumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "posttraumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:

  1. You are not on your own
  2. Trauma is a normal and natural process
  3. Growth is a journey

He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic...stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."


Here are the 6 signs & steps to identify along your journey.

Stage #1: Taking Stock 
Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?

Stage #2: Harvesting Hope 
People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the morning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.

Stage #3: Re-Authoring 
Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.

Stage #4: Identifying Change
Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.

#5: Valuing Change
Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.

Stage #6: Expressing Change in Action
Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.

"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your posttraumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Sources: 
Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
Worden, James. Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner

Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth

Read about ending denial and finding acceptance in the grieving process.

365 Days of Healing

Grieving doesn't always end with the funeral: subscribe to our free daily grief support email program, designed to help you a little bit every day, by filling out the form below.